TLDR: I'm going to be an actor - skip to the bottom for videos and pictures
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I graduated from acting school about 20 years ago...and since then (career wise) I've taught, worked in an office, been a graduate student, a waiter and, most recently, a self-employed handyman. Now I've come full circle back to being and actor.
Why wait so long you might ask? That's a complicated question having to do with a good number of differing internal states and not a small amount of wrestling with the position of the arts vis a vis capitalism in our current society.
I will, no doubt, elaborate on this growing acceptance of acting as a realistic life choice but to put down some thoughts early in the game, I would say that acting and the creative craft that goes into acting has become something that has a reason to exist in my life. I'm not one to (fortunately or unfortunately) to do things without a reason. That's not the way my philosophy works. I'm fine doing things for wacky reasons, but rarely do I do things for no reason and for this 20 years...I couldn't find a reason to be an actor.
Much of this lack of reason had to do with separating commercial acting (where I try to make money) from my high ideals of Art (that's a big A) and the creative endeavor. I kept trying to find a vehicle in which the two were fused...or con-fused as my favorite author likes to say. That's what the rhetoric expounds...do what you love and if you are lucky enough to get paid for it...then you've "made" it.
I don't buy it...because I have this fearful suspicion that when they (whoever they are) start paying you, the free leverage you have as an artist to balance the scales of truth and honesty in your work...become compromised. I have been continually unwilling to put the ritualistic and most sacred aspects of performance into the marketplace. It would be changed by the money. I'm also realistic to know that if I ever get to this point (where someone is offering me money to make Art (capital A); one I will be in a very privileged position and will evaluate the situation again at that time and two, everything has a price.
So - how do I navigate this conundrum (dance a little sidestep!) maybe? I made a distinction in my mind...there are certain aspects of performance* that I'm not going to put forward as commercial endeavors.
Done.
But, what this realization freed me up to do was realize that I don't mind putting up other aspects of my creative self up for sale. In fact...this dichotomy (something we will return to an endless number of times in this blog) makes perfect sense to me. To digress, I think acting (like breathing) encompasses this very dichotomy, because as an actor you are tasked with being real in an unreal situation, being truthful in a fiction setting and so on. That's your job, to encompass (in a theater or in front of the camera) this dichotomy, reality and unreality at the same time. Which ties into my earlier reference to breathing which is both autonomous and self-governed at the same time and possibly best experienced when it is both at the same time (let's hear it for meditation!)
So - having worked out this distinction (in much greater detail than hinted at above) I am now free to pursue commercial acting. And - what is my reason you might ask (if my digressions haven't railroaded you into forgetting.) To support myself. And it is that simple. I have to make money (or some mode of exchange) that will allow me to shelter, feed, provide etc...for me and those that I love. Most of you here will now that I worked very hard as a handyman to support myself, so - why not acting? I really like acting...and when I say really like it...I mean (for real) I really like it.
So - I'm going to try and make a living as an actor. Is this entirely realistic? I'm not sure, but at this point, it doesn't matter because to do anything else would be a disservice to myself and a denial of what I have to offer the rest of the world.
I have something to say and while I would very much enjoy talking to you one on one and engaging in philosophical discourse about the nature of our current society that (for me) won't pay the bills. Besides, I think with some practice, I could be a pretty decent actor. And if I have that chance, why not take it?
Ok, having gotten that out of the way - what have I been doing. I stopped working at Man Friday in August and since then have been acting. This means that I have been auditioning for a decent number of things and have booked a very few of them! But - booking at all at this stage of the game feels like success. So - auditions in this day and age and in this region, there are some basic geographic regions that casting seems broken down into - NY / LA / Florida / Texas, Southeast (where we are) and so on, are all video auditions. I get a email from my talent agent (Talent One in Raleigh) saying that my headshots have been selected and they want to see a video audition. I generally get a script, sometimes with words, sometimes with actions only and maybe a day or two to prepare. I work something up, go into my talent agents office and film the audition. Then - generally I don't hear anything. The video is sent into the void never to return. I took a class recently with a casting agent and she told us that generally the numbers look like this, 600-700 headshots for each casting breakdown, of those maybe 50 or 60 (often fewer - like 25-30) are chosen to audition and then 5-6 are pulled for call backs and 2-3 out of that group and sent to the producer / directors etc...for final decisions. So - I'm glad to just be auditioning at this point...I'm making the first cut! What else because clear in this casting class (run by Jen Ingullis - if you are an actor and want to know more about casting and what you can to do improve your chances...take this class) is the level at which some actors are submitting auditions. Much of the work we saw in class from actors who had booked roles was really, really polished. So - it's no wonder I haven't been getting callbacks and jobs...I need more practice. That became clear - I'm pretty sure I have enough talent to make it in the business - but I am not nearly as skilled as some of these other actors. So - my job is to practice and that's what I've been doing.
I generally try to close the door and turn off the phone for a couple of hours a day...and just act. Film myself doing auditions and go over them, work on memorizing monologues and going over them, scanning texts for more words and so on. It is a real gift to have the time during the day to do this. This is the work that I'm engaged in and it feels good to be able to put it at the top of the list. It's my business to become a better actor - wow - what is a fun thing to say.
Now - it hasn't all been auditioning into the void - I've been booking some industrial work, which has been great. Industrial work is work that is not show to the general public, most of the things that I've been working on will be aired at trade shows, internal websites or are training videos that would be shown only to people in that field. There is a decent amount of that type of work around here and...so far, I've been able to get my foot in the door and book some jobs.
I wish I had videos for all the work, but here are some examples of what I've done so far.
I was the training spokesperson for the N.C. Election Committee. There are some new rules and regulations about voting next year and everyone has to be trained on the differences...well - they get to watch me talk and narrate over a video on that subject. This was fun because it was the first time I got to really use a teleprompter...I wasn't half bad. I should be well known at my voting station this year.
I've done a couple of shoots for I.B.M. through Centerline Digital. Check them out below.
This one is fun because it is stop animation...
This one is fun because you get to see my pants (more that once!)
I recently worked an a short video for Stock Building Supply. I think it is going to be shown to contractors and people who might be ordering large amounts of lumber etc...that shoot was quite amusing because the character I played was named "Anthony" and my fictional contracting company was called - Anthony's Contracting! Art imitating life eh? If you zoom in you can see my name on the side of the white truck...
And here is a picture where I was playing a assembly line worker (this was extra work.)
So - that's about it...I've looked back over my journals from this past month and two things struck me.
One - the amount of time I have in my life right now feels insanely healthy. At no point in my adult life have I had so much time...it is daunting in one respect because there is no existing structure, but it is also an intoxicating freedom to be able to do what I want to during the day. Healthy...that's what I wrote - this time feels healthy.
And - finally - I wrote in my most recent entry - that it is fun as hell to be me right now.
Doesn't get much better than that.
Thanks for reading and I will post another entry next month.
-----------------------
I graduated from acting school about 20 years ago...and since then (career wise) I've taught, worked in an office, been a graduate student, a waiter and, most recently, a self-employed handyman. Now I've come full circle back to being and actor.
Why wait so long you might ask? That's a complicated question having to do with a good number of differing internal states and not a small amount of wrestling with the position of the arts vis a vis capitalism in our current society.
I will, no doubt, elaborate on this growing acceptance of acting as a realistic life choice but to put down some thoughts early in the game, I would say that acting and the creative craft that goes into acting has become something that has a reason to exist in my life. I'm not one to (fortunately or unfortunately) to do things without a reason. That's not the way my philosophy works. I'm fine doing things for wacky reasons, but rarely do I do things for no reason and for this 20 years...I couldn't find a reason to be an actor.
Much of this lack of reason had to do with separating commercial acting (where I try to make money) from my high ideals of Art (that's a big A) and the creative endeavor. I kept trying to find a vehicle in which the two were fused...or con-fused as my favorite author likes to say. That's what the rhetoric expounds...do what you love and if you are lucky enough to get paid for it...then you've "made" it.
I don't buy it...because I have this fearful suspicion that when they (whoever they are) start paying you, the free leverage you have as an artist to balance the scales of truth and honesty in your work...become compromised. I have been continually unwilling to put the ritualistic and most sacred aspects of performance into the marketplace. It would be changed by the money. I'm also realistic to know that if I ever get to this point (where someone is offering me money to make Art (capital A); one I will be in a very privileged position and will evaluate the situation again at that time and two, everything has a price.
So - how do I navigate this conundrum (dance a little sidestep!) maybe? I made a distinction in my mind...there are certain aspects of performance* that I'm not going to put forward as commercial endeavors.
Done.
But, what this realization freed me up to do was realize that I don't mind putting up other aspects of my creative self up for sale. In fact...this dichotomy (something we will return to an endless number of times in this blog) makes perfect sense to me. To digress, I think acting (like breathing) encompasses this very dichotomy, because as an actor you are tasked with being real in an unreal situation, being truthful in a fiction setting and so on. That's your job, to encompass (in a theater or in front of the camera) this dichotomy, reality and unreality at the same time. Which ties into my earlier reference to breathing which is both autonomous and self-governed at the same time and possibly best experienced when it is both at the same time (let's hear it for meditation!)
So - having worked out this distinction (in much greater detail than hinted at above) I am now free to pursue commercial acting. And - what is my reason you might ask (if my digressions haven't railroaded you into forgetting.) To support myself. And it is that simple. I have to make money (or some mode of exchange) that will allow me to shelter, feed, provide etc...for me and those that I love. Most of you here will now that I worked very hard as a handyman to support myself, so - why not acting? I really like acting...and when I say really like it...I mean (for real) I really like it.
So - I'm going to try and make a living as an actor. Is this entirely realistic? I'm not sure, but at this point, it doesn't matter because to do anything else would be a disservice to myself and a denial of what I have to offer the rest of the world.
I have something to say and while I would very much enjoy talking to you one on one and engaging in philosophical discourse about the nature of our current society that (for me) won't pay the bills. Besides, I think with some practice, I could be a pretty decent actor. And if I have that chance, why not take it?
Ok, having gotten that out of the way - what have I been doing. I stopped working at Man Friday in August and since then have been acting. This means that I have been auditioning for a decent number of things and have booked a very few of them! But - booking at all at this stage of the game feels like success. So - auditions in this day and age and in this region, there are some basic geographic regions that casting seems broken down into - NY / LA / Florida / Texas, Southeast (where we are) and so on, are all video auditions. I get a email from my talent agent (Talent One in Raleigh) saying that my headshots have been selected and they want to see a video audition. I generally get a script, sometimes with words, sometimes with actions only and maybe a day or two to prepare. I work something up, go into my talent agents office and film the audition. Then - generally I don't hear anything. The video is sent into the void never to return. I took a class recently with a casting agent and she told us that generally the numbers look like this, 600-700 headshots for each casting breakdown, of those maybe 50 or 60 (often fewer - like 25-30) are chosen to audition and then 5-6 are pulled for call backs and 2-3 out of that group and sent to the producer / directors etc...for final decisions. So - I'm glad to just be auditioning at this point...I'm making the first cut! What else because clear in this casting class (run by Jen Ingullis - if you are an actor and want to know more about casting and what you can to do improve your chances...take this class) is the level at which some actors are submitting auditions. Much of the work we saw in class from actors who had booked roles was really, really polished. So - it's no wonder I haven't been getting callbacks and jobs...I need more practice. That became clear - I'm pretty sure I have enough talent to make it in the business - but I am not nearly as skilled as some of these other actors. So - my job is to practice and that's what I've been doing.
I generally try to close the door and turn off the phone for a couple of hours a day...and just act. Film myself doing auditions and go over them, work on memorizing monologues and going over them, scanning texts for more words and so on. It is a real gift to have the time during the day to do this. This is the work that I'm engaged in and it feels good to be able to put it at the top of the list. It's my business to become a better actor - wow - what is a fun thing to say.
Now - it hasn't all been auditioning into the void - I've been booking some industrial work, which has been great. Industrial work is work that is not show to the general public, most of the things that I've been working on will be aired at trade shows, internal websites or are training videos that would be shown only to people in that field. There is a decent amount of that type of work around here and...so far, I've been able to get my foot in the door and book some jobs.
I wish I had videos for all the work, but here are some examples of what I've done so far.
I was the training spokesperson for the N.C. Election Committee. There are some new rules and regulations about voting next year and everyone has to be trained on the differences...well - they get to watch me talk and narrate over a video on that subject. This was fun because it was the first time I got to really use a teleprompter...I wasn't half bad. I should be well known at my voting station this year.
I've done a couple of shoots for I.B.M. through Centerline Digital. Check them out below.
This one is fun because it is stop animation...
This one is fun because you get to see my pants (more that once!)
I recently worked an a short video for Stock Building Supply. I think it is going to be shown to contractors and people who might be ordering large amounts of lumber etc...that shoot was quite amusing because the character I played was named "Anthony" and my fictional contracting company was called - Anthony's Contracting! Art imitating life eh? If you zoom in you can see my name on the side of the white truck...
And here is a picture where I was playing a assembly line worker (this was extra work.)
So - that's about it...I've looked back over my journals from this past month and two things struck me.
One - the amount of time I have in my life right now feels insanely healthy. At no point in my adult life have I had so much time...it is daunting in one respect because there is no existing structure, but it is also an intoxicating freedom to be able to do what I want to during the day. Healthy...that's what I wrote - this time feels healthy.
And - finally - I wrote in my most recent entry - that it is fun as hell to be me right now.
Doesn't get much better than that.
Thanks for reading and I will post another entry next month.
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